Damage Control

Important: If your breakup hit you particularly hard, please read this →

OK. This module is all about damage limitation. The sooner you LIMIT damage, the better off you’ll be. That’s why we start here.

Most of the damage occurs around the point of breakup, and the days and weeks that follow (but usually in the first couple weeks.)

Consider all the posts below as essential reading for this early stage of the breakup.

For simplicity, just read in the order presented below, and you won’t go wrong:

  1. Your First Step (finally)
  2. Why We’re Doing This
  3. Avoid These, OK?
  4. Do’s & Don’ts
  5. Handling Your Ex
  6. Spending Your Time Wisely
  7. The Agreement

Advice: You can not afford to match, or validate, whatever your ex’s negative perception of you is (the lens through which they look for bad habits, undesired behaviour, outbursts, anger, etc. in you.)

When we are not yet able to manage ourselves appropriately, managing how much interaction we have with the other person is the next best thing.

This is when space is useful!

Step back from your ex and put your energy into yourself.

Later — and when you feel balanced — reach out and demonstrate your better self.

Also?

People are fickle, and they change their minds
 a lot.

Therefore practice a “we’ll see” attitude about this.

Your “story” is still being written…

Just Quickly…

When someone leaves you, are they leaving for dramatic effect OR is it truly the “last straw”?

Either they:

  1. Need a break (don’t really know what is wanted, just to not keep living the same experience right now)
  2. Need to hear “magic words” (validated, wrong-doings made right, etc.)
  3. Genuinely want OUT

Food for thought.

But also —remember all humans might want different things at different times (as feelings change and new information comes to light.)

Psst: Doesn’t hurt to be reminded of what first attracted them 😉

Extras (Don’t Skip!)

  • Apology Method (Need to make an apology? Check out the apology method first to learn how to make a great apology.)
  • Confirmation Bias (Have you heard of the confirmation bias? It’s an interesting human behavioural trait. Find out what it is and why it’s important when it comes to handling your ex.)
  • If You “Fail” NC? (Going complete NC, and sticking with it is HARD. Therefore it’s not uncommon to slip up. Don’t be hard on yourself, just read this.)
  • “I’m Struggling, is That Normal?” (Days or weeks into NC, you may wonder if the pain and suffering you’re feeling is a sign you’re doing something wrong. Let’s talk about that.)
  • Worried About NC Duration? (If you think your NC period is too long or short, or if you’re losing sleep over whether or not the duration fits your situation, read this.)
  • Should You Date? (During NC you might wonder if dating is a good idea.. well, read this first OK?)
  • 17 Signals They Miss You (Signs, signals, clues.. call them what you will. Here are 17 of them, each potentially revealing that your ex is missing you.)

Note: I’m a brit. That means I spell words different to Americans. E.G I write “realise” not “realize”.. just so you know.